If it were not for virtual meetings, FaceTime, and the occasional video, I would not be able to interact with my children and grandchildren, who live in other states. It has literally been a year since I’ve been with them in person.
At the ages of nine and ten, my grandsons are old enough to understand Covid, online learning, and the need for grandparents to distance. Fortunately, we already have a great, established relationship, and they are mature enough to have real conversations, in person or online. On the other hand, with the boys in control of the phone, tablet, or computer camera, our interactions often take on the cinematic quality of the Blair Witch Project (which was shot by teens using handheld cameras). Sometimes Dramamine™ is required!
I imagine virtual visits must be much more frustrating when interacting with very young children. If you live far away from your little ones, you have probably already mastered the art of virtual visits but, if not, here are some tips I saw online that might help.
Match your in-person interaction with what the grandparent or virtual friend is trying to convey. For example, “Oh, I just wish I could be there to hug you,” is very unsatisfying for both parties. If the online person makes the motion of hugging, mom or dad on the receiving end can literally hug the child. Message sent and received. If grandma blows a kiss, the child can pretend to ‘catch’ the kiss and can even send one back.
Match your in-person interaction with what the grandparent or virtual friend is trying to convey. For example, “Oh, I just wish I could be there to hug you,” is very unsatisfying for both parties. If the online person makes the motion of hugging, mom or dad on the receiving end can literally hug the child. Message sent and received. If grandma blows a kiss, the child can pretend to ‘catch’ the kiss and can even send one back.
▪ Create a mutual, meaningful experience for all parties. Don’t make a virtual visit a ‘command performance’ or an after thought: “Come here and say hi to Grandma.” Being prepared and excited makes a big difference.
▪ Make the visit a participation event. Read a story or book chapter to children. When possible, have your child’s favorite books on both sides of the experience, so that the child and video caller can both follow along, or even take turns reading.
▪ Friendly finger puppets on both ends of the conversation can provide a laugh and fun experience. Yes, it’s fantasy, but it can get children talking. “How was your day, Mr. Rabbit? What did you have for lunch? Did you eat carrots?” “Nooooo, I had pizza!” “Pizza? I didn’t know that rabbits ate pizza!!”
▪ Consult the family historian.When an older child has a question about family history (e.g., “How big was PopPop’s boat during the war?”), that’s a great time to call the family historian. Even if the ‘historian’ doesn’t know the answer, a potential research project has been created (e.g., “Well it was an LST [WW2 ship]). Let’s see what we can find out on the internet …. “
Another current topic of great interest for my own grandsons involves big, important conversations about America’s sad history of race and social injustice. I don’t think it’s on their minds because of news coverage, because they don’t normally watch the news. So, I imagine that their school has found a way to weave this information into the curriculum, which is good, but they still have many questions that require thoughtful answers.
My grandsons wanted more information about the Civil War, their great, great grandfather, and the Underground Railway. We have had many conversations about why Quaker ancestors helped people of color escape from Virginia (now West Virginia) to Ohio and then on to Canada, which then led to our not-so-long-ago Canadian roots, which then led to why relatives from Scotland ended up in Nova Scotia (Canada).
Ancestry.com has become a shared interest that we can enjoy together from afar, and building your own family tree might be fun, especially during lockdown.
In the PBS article cited below, there’s an interactive game that has both sides of an online conversation that can be played together in real time. Check out Pinkamazing Family Game. I bet that there are even more COVID-inspired interactive games. Be on the lookout.
Resources
www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/celebrating-birthdays-and-holidays-during-social-distancing
www.pbskids.org/pinkalicious/games/pinkamazing-family-game
Editor’s Note: On the subject of social justice, I am no expert, but I do know that a good deed performed by distant relatives at a very specific moment in history does not give future generations a free pass on systemic racism, nor does having relatives who were on the ‘wrong’ side of history define who we are today. Tomorrow’s Child welcomes articles for age-appropriate discussions on this topic.
