I believe that every child is born with a unique purpose in life, as did Maria Montessori.
Young mother and her cute little son walking in a park
With all her endeavors, Montessori was trying to improve the world by discovering the true nature of the child (1972). It is understandable, then, that parents are the child’s first and long-lasting teachers. Their role is to observe the interests of their child so that, in turn, they can learn how to best support his developmental efforts.
How can parents achieve this? Some ways I will explore are: to become acquainted with their own childhood issues, to support the child’s inner-teacher, to do self-care activities, such as breathing, to perceive oneself as a learner, and to develop humility.
Children are naturally kind, loving, compassionate, and truthful. When the child is in a loving and kind environment, he blossoms into who he really is as an individual. For this to happen, parents must know and understand themselves so that they are not affected by “hot buttons” that their child presses when he misbehaves. The resource Parenting from the Inside Out (Siegel & Hartzell, 2003) provides great support to parents to fully understand and resolve their own childhood experiences so that, in turn, they can raise a joyful and happy child.
One way for parents to achieve this goal is to nurture their own inner-teacher, a Montessori concept. Montessori stated, “It must be remembered that in the small child of three years, the inner-teacher is still at work guiding him unerringly, and when we speak of a free child, we mean one following the guidance of that nature, which is powerful within him.” (Montessori, 1972, p. 42). This inner-teacher is of a spiritual nature. It helps the child to walk, to talk, to develop the pincer grip to pick up small objects and to learn how to read and write. In the adult, the inner-teacher is sometimes referred to as the voice of conscience or higher self. When the inner-teacher of the parents is honoring and respecting the inner-teacher of the child, they feel peaceful and calm.
One way for parents to re-connect with that sense of calm when peace is disrupted with anger or irritation is to take a few minutes away from the situation and focus on their breathing. Breathing exercises decrease stress and anxiety; they activate the body’s relaxation response (Newberg & Waldman, 2010). Parents can practice breathing with their child or just comfort the child until her calm returns. Using a combination of strategies (Siegel & Bryson, 2016), parents can learn how to peacefully and lovingly reconnect with their child when she misbehaves, while continuing to set clear limits.
For that reason, parents should see themselves as perpetual learners. They are continuously learning about themselves as persons and as parents, as they cultivate their relationship with their child. When faced with a challenging situation, or any novel circumstance, of which there are many, parents can ask themselves: “What can I learn from this situation?” They can adopt the attitude of constantly learning alongside their child. This takes humility.
Humility is one of the qualities that Montessori (1995) spoke of in developing a positive relationship with the child. When parents are humble, they attribute the young child’s growth and development to the guidance of the child’s inner-teacher and spiritual nature, rather than their own authority. They are in fact, supporting the efforts of their child’s inner-teacher.
These simple, yet very effective, ideas on how to parent more successfully can be expanded to the whole family. In the process, parents will be building a more peaceful world.
References
Montessori, M. (1972). The secret of childhood. New York, NY: Random House Publishing Group.
Montessori, M. (1995). The absorbent mind. New York, NY: Holt Paperbacks.
Newberg, A., & Waldman, M. R. (2010). How God changes your brain. New York, NY: Ballantine Books.
Siegel, D. J., & Hartzell, M. (2003). Parenting from the inside out. New York, NY: Penguin Books.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2016). No-drama discipline. New York, NY: Bantam Books.
Christine M. A. Lapierre Ph.D. enjoys motherhood and all its rewards. She is passionate about the role of parents in bringing out their best for a peaceful family. She is a MACTE trained early childhood teacher and believes very strongly in Montessori’s recommendations to parents to bring Montessori principles into the home. As a consultant, she offers parent workshops, teacher workshops, and coaching. Christine can be reached at clapierr@ucalgary.ca.
Tomorrow’s Child/ September 2018/ Pg 22
