Family life is often hectic. Parents race from home to school and off to soccer games, ballet lessons, birthday parties, gymnastics, and the library. Parent burnout is increasingly common, exhaustion the norm. In half of our families, divorce, remarriage, and the creation of blended families add to the stress placed on modern family life. And all too soon, the kids will shift their focus from family to friends. Countless tasks fragment any remaining sense of well-being and sap away at the stamina that we need to meet the challenges of our modern lives.
One of the most precious gifts that we can give our children is an education of the heart, nurturing their sense of joy and appreciation of life, a sense of the poetic, and of their connection to all of humanity and the universe.
One of the most precious gifts that we can give our children is an education of the heart, nurturing their sense of joy and appreciation of life, a sense of the poetic, and of their connection to all of humanity and the universe.
Family traditions and celebrations create comforting patterns to the childhood years. They help underscore to our children the message that they are loved and cherished. Even if we don’t formally belong to any organized religion, celebrations can help us teach our children the great moral and spiritual lessons of love, kindness, joy, and confidence in the fundamental goodness of life, in simple ways that encourage them to begin the journey toward being fully alive and fully human.
Opening yourself to wonder and delight is the first step toward a celebration of life. Without a sense of wonder, all things are commonplace. But, when we open ourselves to a sense of wonder, our souls begin to stir.
Normally the creation of special family celebrations with our children leads us to rediscover a sense of curiosity and joy. There is beauty all around us. We find it in the forest, at the seashore, at sunrise and sunset, and in the bright shining faces of those we love. Children can help us get back in touch with the beauty of all creation as we gather shells, yell into the wind, fly a kite, or leave a trail of footprints in the sand. Enter into these precious moments playfully, and you will rediscover your sense of wonder, celebration, and worship.
Being alive to the beauty of our world nurtures a spirit of inner peace and reverence for life. In exploring together “how could this be?,” we help our children begin their journey toward enlightenment.
Little Rituals
Living a life enriched by little touches of kindness and celebration is no easy feat. Family life can be enhanced by all sorts of small thoughtful acts and activities enjoyed together. Don’t try to overdo it or you’ll just add to the burdens of your day. Try to select a few that suit your personal style and schedule.
Lunch Box Surprises
Especially in your children’s early years, a little note slipped into a lunchbox will mean so much to your little boy or girl. The thoughts can be humorous, like one that I came across: “While you munch this yummy lunch, know that we love you a great big bunch. Love, Mom and Dad.” Others will prefer to jot down a few words of love and encouragement.
When days become filled with too much to get done, you won’t remember to do it often. But whenever you do, your time will have been well spent.
A Thank-You Board
This need be nothing more elaborate than a sheet of paper taped on the refrigerator and changed periodically. Whenever someone in the family feels thankful to someone else for something, such as taking out the garbage, he or she writes a little message to that person. Often, when we think about acknowledging someone, they may have already gone off to work, school, or bed. This gives the family a chance to record their acknowledgment and thanks for all to see.
Family Dinners
Sitting down at one time together and sharing food without TV or interruptions from the telephone is increasingly rare. Make a commitment to one another, mom and dad, too. No work. No phone calls from friends. “I’m sorry, but we’re having dinner right now. Can I call you back?”
Dress Up the Dinner Table
A touch of formality and special care lends a festive spirit to family meals. What a difference it is from meals eaten on the run at the breakfast bar when you sit down to a table with flowers, candles, a tablecloth and pretty dishes. This need not be all that fancy. Even a single flower in a bud vase and a single candle in a bottle create a simple, festive atmosphere.
Joining Hands for Saying Grace or Sharing a Moment of Silence
Create a family circle. Join hands in a moment of silent reflection on the day. Give thanks for the simple blessings that we all share in this world. Don’t forget to give a round of applause to the cook. It isn’t meant to be a rating of how tasty the meal is, but of appreciation for the effort that went into preparing it.
Reading Poetry at the Table
If overdone, you can easily turn kids off to poetry for life, but a carefully chosen poem that is not too long but says something delightful to all ages can be nice.
Family Read-Aloud Time
Many families set aside time to read aloud to one another whenever they have an evening at home. Unlike the traditional bedtime story read to small children to help them fall asleep, this is an experience in which family members share cherished tales with one another. One objective is to encourage the children to think and discuss a story or entire book that touches the heart or delights the imagination. Ideally, as the children become old enough to read, everyone takes turns reading aloud to the entire group. The trick is to make the experience fun, more like the sharing of wonderful tales than the chore of children performing for their parents or listening to something that their parents love but the children hate.
Memorizing Verse
Many of us, educated in traditional schools, believe that Montessorians are opposed to asking children to memorize anything. The only sin in challenging children to memorize is when we overwhelm their ability and make them feel ashamed. Learning to remember lines is a useful skill, and many of us have snippets of poetry that we learned as children and treasure to this day. Make the experience fun, not another burden. Some kids will love it, others will be skittish and will try to avoid being embarrassed at all costs.
Take an After-Dinner Walk
When the weather cooperates, you might want to take a walk together as a family. Assuming that you leave the portable phones behind, you may even have everyone’s attention. A half-hour walk is a great time to watch the birds settle down for the night, see the sun set, collect leaves, play tag, feel the onset of the evening breeze, and quietly talk. This is especially magical if you live beside a river or the ocean, among high hills, next to a forest, or anywhere where natural beauty is still unspoiled.
Bedtime Whispers
Whispers are messages of love that you speak softly into your child’s ear after you tuck them in. There is an intimacy about quietly speaking into a child’s ear that sends them to sleep feeling cherished.
A Bad-Dreams Chaser
Several families that I know have designated an old, worn stuffed animal that used to belong to mom or dad when they were young as the family’s “Bad Dreams Chaser.” This faithful companion guards over anyone who is having difficulty falling asleep or who wakes up after a bad dream.
Reading and Playing in Bed
Bedtime can be a real problem when children, who have been actively playing one minute are suddenly told that it is time to go to sleep. One solution is to get the children into a habit of getting ready for bed earlier in the evening and then allowing them to play or read quietly by themselves in bed with the lights on. You might want to try tucking them in at the beginning, and then come back for bedtime whispers and lights off as they are falling asleep.
A Place for Silence in Your Home
A while back I came across a company that is especially human-focused. It had created a room as a “sanctuary retreat” in which employees could withdraw when they needed a few minutes of peacefulness and beauty to restore their spirits. The room is softly lit, always has fresh flowers, and is filled with the sounds of quiet music or an electronic windchime. There are soft pillows on the floor to sit on.
It occurred to me how wonderful it would be to create something like this at home. A small self-contained water fountain fills our space with the sound of splashing water. A set of those electric wind chimes, which I had never seen before, creates a sense of gentle breezes. (The windchimes hang from a small stand. A magnet under the base moves and causes the clapper to gently strike the chimes just as if the wind was at play. A small CD player offers the music that seems right at the moment. It offers a short retreat from everyday life.
Listening to the quiet that you find in your sanctuary, both you and your child can become attuned to little sounds that we normally ignore. More importantly, within the peacefulness of this special place that we’ve created, you can begin to hear the still, small voice that hides within us all.
A young child may come in only when you do, and then stay only for a minute before running off to some new adventure. But with time and patience, children become more comfortable with silence and contemplation, and you may find yourself quietly talking about things that would normally never come up in daily life.
A Garden Sanctuary
Families with backyards might consider the creation of a special spot in the garden where family members can sit quietly with nature. Small children adore small secret places where they can hide away.
Beanpole teepees, sunflower houses, or just an existing spot under a spreading tree are perfect. Older children and adults may prefer a comfortable chair amid a mass of flowers or perhaps a gazebo.
Family Work Days
Some families set aside some time in the weekend as a family work day. All of the jobs that need to be done in the house are written out on a notecard. All of the tools necessary to complete each task are gathered. Children and parents choose an appropriate number of tasks from the cards displayed on a table in the morning. After completing the job, the child signs and dates the card. Mom or dad supervises and helps as needed. Pleasant music fills the air as everyone works. Everyone takes a break in mid-morning for a snack.
Family Time
Many families set aside an afternoon every weekend as a special time when the entire family does something together that everyone enjoys. It might be bike riding, swimming, ice skating, walking beside the ocean, canoeing, fishing, sailing, bowling, going to a museum or art gallery, playing children’s games, playing music or singing together as a family, making homemade ice-cream, watching a special video together, or going out for a special treat.
Children in the Kitchen
In some families, once a week each child gets to plan the menu and prepare a meal (with or without assistance). This may mean eating some meals that appeal to younger appetites, but it is usually fun for everyone.
Family Meetings
Set aside time once a week to meet as a family to formally review how the week has gone, discuss plans for the week ahead, and work on any problems in family relationships. Normally what happens is that plans and decisions are made by one parent or they just develop by default. A family meeting tends to give the children a sense of being heard and usually ends up in a fairer distribution of family responsibilities.
Birthday Celebrations
One family that I know purchased a very heavy and tall white candle for each of their children when they were born. Over the year’s they decorated the birthday candles by molding colored wax. This candle is lit at breakfast on the child’s birthday an it stays lit all day. After dinner and birthday cake, the family sits around the table with the candle burning and asks three questions of the birthday boy or girl: 1) What were the most significant events of the last year?, 2) What are his or her hopes and dreams for the coming year?, and 3) What are the hopes of the family members for the birthday child in the year ahead? Sometimes, the parents or older relatives who are at dinner will tell what their lives were like when they were this age.
Annual Letters
Every year on their birthdays you might want to prepare a little time capsule for each of your children. They are sealed and put away in a safe place, like a safety deposit box, to be opened on their 21st birthday. Include a letter from both parents, reminiscing over the milestones and major events of the past year. Add photos and the occasional small artifact. Take your children with you when you put the annual letters safely away, and make sure that they look forward to the day when they can open this storehouse of treasured memories from their childhood.
Choose a Name for Your House
Once it was the custom for families to select a special name for their houses. I grew up in a house called “Dunmovin.” Today it almost seems as if houses are interchangeable. Mass produced homes sometimes seem to have little character, but children and adults alike still feel the same need to put down roots and build traditions, even when their stay in a given home may only be for a year or two. Think up a name and prepare a sign for your home.
Decorate Your Home for Every Season
Children love to gather together little things that represent the seasons and special holidays. Some can be kept from year to year, carefully packed away, and joyfully taken out as part of your family’s annual traditions. They might include little models (Columbus’ ships, a Christ-mas creche, a winter village), dolls or nice stuffed animals (a favorite Santa, an Easter bunny, a spooky witch, a Pilgrim), along with decorations. For spring, you might force bulbs inside, fill vases with branches cut from flowering trees and bushes, and grow tiny meadows of grass in little baskets filled with potting soil.
At my house, every winter we set up a display with model houses, cotton snow, and small figures bundled up for winter play. Old -fashioned Christmas decorations can be made fairly easily with a visit to your garden store or local forest for evergreen boughs, wire frames for wreathes, and pinecones. Just add colorful fruits and nuts and lots of candles to complete the look. Chanukah is best celebrated with a homemade menorah. The Fourth of July is an opportunity to hang patriotic bunting and pictures of the Founding Fathers.
Handmade Gifts
Instead of always buying presents from the store, some families establish a tradition of making them by hand. Young children are normally delighted to make and give presents to family and friends. Naturally, some families are better at crafts than others, but a wide variety of wonderful resource books are available filled with projects and ideas for every age group, season, and occasion.
Just a few ideas for family giving: homemade cookies or ice-cream, hand sewn dolls, a handmade wreath or arrangement of dried flowers, little market baskets filled with potting soil in which grass or herbs have been planted, hand painted Easter eggs, a hand-built doll house, children’s photographs or artwork dry-mounted on matte board, hand dipped candles, handmade Christmas tree ornaments, a handbound book of a child’s poetry, or perhaps a model train layout prepared in secret as a special present.
Lessons in Charity and Service
Some families gather used coats, mittens, boots, and scarves to distribute to homeless people. Some prepare baskets of homemade food for a needy family’s holiday dinner or collect toys for poor children. As a family, you might want to spend a Saturday preparing special bagged lunches to share with the homeless. Go together as a family to deliver the presents to either a needy family that you know or to a local church or shelter.
A Family Scrapbook
Don’t forget the fun of preparing a scrapbook of the history of your family: not only photos, but dried flowers, prom tickets, and similar mementos. Add poems, newspaper clippings, children’s artwork, etc.
Tim Seldin is President of the Montessori Foundation, Chair of the International Montessori Council and co-author of Celebrations of Life and The World in the Palm of Her Hand.
