Wow, has our world changed!
Now, we’re working from home—still full time, and still expected to get our job done with confidence and competence. And then, oh yes, the children are home and no childcare or school to fill their day. But wait, and I am supposed to teach them and set up a Montessori environment? Should I laugh or cry?
With all of this stress, and the daily onslaught of news, it can just seem too much. We know you want to do the best, we know you want to help your children get those “packets” from school done, we know that you might love to “homeschool” and still take care of family chores, and your job, and maybe have a little bit of down time just for yourself.
So here are a few thoughts for you to reflect on, in that little bit of down time, or that walk you manage to take alone, or as you crawl into bed almost too exhausted to fall asleep…
First, you are the expert when it comes to your children. You know them in a way and in a place like no one else does. You know their strengths and their challenges, how they get crappy when they’re hungry, or overwhelmed, or need attention. And you love them in that special way that only a parent can love. Trust that. Trust that you are the expert, that you always want what is best, even if you are feeling confused or overwhelmed with all that is coming at you. You are the expert!
Second, accept that all parents want the best, expect that we need to give them the best, to make it all right. But we’re going to make mistakes; we’re going to have regrets and thoughts of “I should have done that better.” When you start feeling like you are getting advice from all kinds of places and all kinds of people, remind yourself that you are doing the best you can, that you love that child more than anyone, and you are the one who is there for them.
Now, in this time of COVID-19, it can feel like you are being bombarded with information, the ways you can entertain your child, the ways you should be teaching your child, the activities and materials you should be providing your child. All from well-meaning sources, all the websites and Facebook pages that are offering free online classes, or virtual visits to museums or zoos, and all the ideas and projects and activities you could be doing with your children. Montessori educators, from every level, are sharing great suggestions, sharing what they know, sharing their expertise. Your child’s teacher may be sending you emails filled with things you can do at home or sending home “works.” All well-meaning, all trying to support, all just trying to connect during this time of “social distancing.”
And you want to do the best you can, right? But, truthfully, you can’t do it all. All these well-meaning, supportive people might just not know you, and your children, and your household the way you do. They may not know how difficult it is to balance a full-time job, with a now three- and eight-year-old at home and your parenting partner who has his/her own set of struggles right now.
In a very practical way, think about your day, think about the “have-to’s” vs. the “want to’s.” Think about which of those “have to’s” your children would feel really good about doing, to feel like a meaningful part of the family when they know this is a hard time.
So how do you pick and choose? How do you decide what is best from all these great resources for your child, for your family, for your daily life in the time of COVID-19? In a very practical way, think about your day, think about the “have-to’s” vs. the “want to’s.” Think about which of those “have to’s” your children would feel really good about doing, to feel like a meaningful part of the family when they know this is a hard time. Look at that list, knowing your children better than anyone, decide which of those things you could teach them how to do—not a Montessori lesson, just how you would do it. They are going to get more from that experience of helping than the most perfect of lessons would give them.
Now think about those “want-to’s”, you know, the ones you and your children are interested in doing, or learning about, or playing with. And, yes, you can look on the internet, or Facebook, to get ideas about what resources your older child would engage. Let the older one help the younger one; make it clear they are doing this so you can get some work done. Let them feel responsible in that way. And if your oldest one is three, think about what is it that your child likes to do and wants to do. Is it really going to hurt if a three-year-old wants to play with Legos for an hour, maybe sitting on the floor near where you are working?
If you do look at all of those websites and Facebook pages, how can you decide what to pick and choose? One way to narrow it down (besides what just fits with you and your children) is to look at the credentials of the people giving all this advice—look at their formal education areas, their experience, and then ask yourself, “Does this make sense to me?” Discriminating between the high-quality, evidenced-based best practices, and just someone’s opinion can be tricky with so much information overload. But when you get a sense of what you should ignore and what is really valid, it will cut down on the stress of all that “clutter.” Limit yourself to just those few Facebook pages and those one or two websites that you know are going to give you workable ideas and solutions for your family. If you start feeling a sense of obligation, or expectation, of how you need to provide for your child right now, that might be a good clue to stop looking at that source.
It’s ok for children to play, it’s ok for children to sit around and color, or look at books, or watch a well-done exercise video. It’s ok for them to do these activities by themselves, in the room with you; they are doing their “work,” while you are doing yours.
We do know that children of every age are feeling the stress and tension of this time. Some may be able to even talk about it with you, but all are needing assurance, extra love, and attention to feel safe and secure. The most important person in their life is you, and if you can give them that extra attention for five minutes that gives them the assurance of your love so they can engage in something they like for as long as they can. Isn’t it worth that five minutes? And if you can let go of a lot of the rest of it, those five minutes can feel pretty precious to you, too.
Trust yourself, maybe find those very few true “experts,” who can support you and you know you can trust, and then let the rest of it go. Listen to your heart, love your child, and it will all work out and be ok.
