by Julie Lythcott-Haims
This is a book that every parent must read! The author helps us understand, in no uncertain terms, what it means to ‘over-parent’ and the harm it causes to our children, to ourselves, and to our world. The first two chapters focus on what parents are doing now with the very best of intentions and why we must stop hovering. But just wait until you get to Chapter 3: “Another Way.” Look at the subtitles, and you’ll know why I am so grateful for this author’s reinforcement, (whether she knows it or not)
of the validity of Montessori principles. Here are some of them: Give Them Unstructured Time; Teach Life Skills, Teach Them How to Think, Prepare Them for Hard Work, Let Them Chart Their Own Path, Normalize Struggle, and Listen to Them.
When I was teaching a Mommy and Me class, where moms brought their infants with them to learn how to interact with them, we spent 20 minutes of our one hour class just observing the babies. The hardest thing for most of the moms was to just OBSERVE. They weren’t to talk to them or move them or move their toy closer to them. I was astounded by how difficult it was for so many moms to allow their infants to learn to move independently, to struggle to reach a toy, or to interact with other infants. This kind of behavior doesn’t stop when they get older. It just changes. For example, elementary children have cell phones and must check in when they get on the school bus and then when they get to school or when they ride their bikes two blocks down the street to play at a friend’s house. I don’t even want to get started on how parents hover over adolescents!
Read this book. If you are over-parenting, it could help you stop. It you are not, it will validate that your way of parenting is a good choice for you and your family.
