Comedian Rodney Dangerfield, frequently poked fun at on of most core desires: to be respected. We want to be respected and when our children aren’t respectful it often feels like we’ve been sucker punched. On the other hand, being told, “Your child is so respectful,” makes us feel like someone gave a a million dollars!
Children need to be taught how to be respectful. This may take a lot of time if you having been allowing and modeling disrespect. Below are 12 ways to create a more respectful family.
Model it: If you want them to do it, you have to do it too. Show respect by not yelling, knocking on their door before entering, asking for permission to read their private things. They are also watching how you are treating your spouse. (Yikes! that’s a scary thought!)
Understand it: Your children are growing and learning. Sometimes word choice and behaviors are made because they are not able to verbalize their feelings so they act them out instead. Practice giving them the correct words to use in place of their disrespectful behavior. “I’m frustrated,” “I’m angry,” or “I need space.”
Empathize with it: Empathizing is like a soothing balm. It often restores relationships. Your child feels heard and understood and what often follows is a sweet apology from our child. Use words like, “Wow you must be really hangry (a made up word for being angry and hungry at the same time)?” Or, “It’s really frustrating when your little sister goes in your room without asking permission.”
Teach it: Give children the tools they need to show you respect. Verbalize, “That’s not respectful. That is respectful” so they know what they are aiming for.
Discuss it: Pick out times when you see other children using respectful or disrespectful language or behavior and discuss with it your children. Or point it out in movies or books.
Practice it: Before you go to an event like a friends house or go to school, practice respectful behaviors that might be helpful during the day. For example, asking the teacher, “How are you today?” Or how to line up respectfully.
Expect it: When your expectations are reasonably high, children rise to the occasion. Often we let kids slide because they are too tired or too hungry or because WE are too hungry or tired! Word of caution: Do not be to demanding or critical. If you are you run the risk of your child becoming overly compliant, rebellious or sullen.
Question it: When we ask questions like, “Was that respectful?” or “How else could you say that more respectful?” we cause are children to have to think and be reflective. Children tend to learn more from non-judgmental questions than they do by us giving them directives.
Correct it: Be strong, firm and kind when teaching respect. Don’t just let things slide! Be sure to notice when respectful behavior is being exhibited and make sure to call them on disrespectful behavior!
Reinforce it: Remind children of their good decisions so that they remember how it felt and the results they got from being respectful.
Re-do it: Ask for a re-do. If your child says something disrespectful ask them to say what they want to say in a more respectful manner. It helps if they can ask you for a re-do also if you are being disrespectful.
Humor it: Humor usually disarms negative attitudes. Say something funny like, “Oh no, who let the Grinch in the house? Did you let him in?” The sillier you make it, the better.
Mix and match the tips above. One will work one day but not the next – so be kind to yourself.
Teaching respect takes patience, time, and a willingness to take a stand for creating a respectful family environment. It takes years to raise a respectful child and only moments to fill one with anger and disrespect. However, if you practice these 10 tips, you will be giving your child a gift that will take him or her far into their journey of life.
Copyright 2015 Kathryn Kvols – Our thanks to the author for allowing us to share her work.
