What matters is that the child has the opportunity to interact with other children to practice social connectedness. It is within this context that a child will learn the words and behavior that define what Montessori teachers call ‘common grace and courtesies.’
Dr. Montessori was brilliant in helping teachers and parents understand that grace and courtesy are such important aspects of every child’s development. Recently, I was given the opportunity to talk to a group of middle school students about grace and courtesy.
It was Friday, June 17, 2016 and the gym was filled with students (grades one through eight), parents, friends, faculty, and staff. Everyone gathered to celebrate the graduation of 17 eighth graders at Woodland Hill Montessori School, and I had the good fortune to be the commencement speaker. It was a perfect opportunity for me to talk to graduating middle schoolers about grace and courtesy, and I did.
“Good afternoon students, faculty, parents, grandparents, friends, and my newest best friends, the 17 graduates of the class of 2016. For an educator who has spent over 35 years working with middle school students, I cannot think of a better honor than to have the pleasure of speaking to you on the day of your graduation.
You remember when we first met, right? It was Friday morning,January 29, and after introductions, I read a short story to you.
Does anyone remember the title of the story? Correct, The Lion Roared by Virginia Eiseman.
I have another question: In the story, what was the character’s name who said, [using P. Alfred’s husky, distinguished voice] “I see you noticed my pin. Well, it was in a package of souvenirs I picked up while traveling through South America many years ago. But the funny thing about this pin is that, from the moment I first set eyes on it, … ” I then asked, “Who was this guy? Correct again, P. Alfred Merivale, the dapper gentleman from Chicago.”
Back on my January 29 visit, I said to you, “I have an assignment for you. I need you to write an essay for me,” and at that moment, I could see all of your faces drop, maybe even a grimace with an expletive behind your lips.
Actually, I thought one of your teachers was going to throw a penalty flag at me and say, “You can’t do that. You just met these students.”
But, when you found out that the essay was to be only six words long, you all sort of extended a cocky smile as if to say, “Pffff, piece of cake, bring it on, buddy,” and I did. What was the essay topic I assigned? Right. What does grace and courtesy mean to you?
When your teachers sent me your completed essays on February 25, I was as pleased as could be for 17 Montessori eighth graders, knowing that Woodland Hill Montessori teachers, your parents—and of course you—rose to the challenge and wrote so well.
Let me share a few of your essays on what grace and courtesy mean to you:
Treat others like they treat you.
Montessori education encourages empathy through understanding.
Effortlessly helping people without realizing it.
Symptoms of amiability, gratitude, and respectfulness.
So, what does the short story The Lion Roared have to do with grace and courtesy? It involves a con artist (P. Alfred) who takes advantage of the townspeople of South Plains.
It’s simple: you make it your purpose in life to be thoughtful, true to yourself, and help people, especially those less fortunate than you. Extend grace and courtesy to others in your life, particularly when it isn’t easy to do. At the same time, if you are tricked, or are taken advantage of, or see someone else being taken advantage of, I want you to work around the bad behavior and extend an open hand.
Be aware that you will bump into people in high school, college, and life that will test your resolve to be helpful, graceful, and courteous to other people.
Here are two quick examples.
One, your peer group may try to exploit your good nature by convincing you to abandon a friend and go to a party without the friend. Two, in this age of tempting technology, someone will try to get you to use the internet in inappropriate ways so you can be cool. And, on a grander scale, through all of the shouting, rhetoric, and bullying, how do you decide whom to believe in this historic presidential election? Susan, your head of school, wrote an excellent article entitled “Debate With Respect” in the Times Union, warning parents and educators about bad bullying behavior taking place among candidates.
Speaking of bullying, let me mention how fortunate that you heard author Aija Mayrock in March, I will only remind you of her important message. Also, I arranged to have signed copies of Aija’s book, The Survival Guide to Bullying, to be given to each of you—you, our youngest millennials—who by the way, have just surpassed the baby boomer population.
Just as we met, I will leave you with another short story. Hearing it, I hope it can help you embrace Maria Montessori’s beautiful message of grace and courtesy and Aija’s gritty experience with bullying. The story can help you make your purpose in life to care for others and yourself.
The story comes from when, Susan, your head of school, and I were in Chicago this past March attending the American Montessori Society’s annual conference. We heard a keynote speaker who received the longest standing ovation from over 4,000 Montessori attendees. That speaker, Bryan Stevenson, has spent his life working for equity and justice for prisoners—particularly youths tried as adults—in America. His book, Just Mercy, is an autobiography of his life and work. Here is his beautiful story…”
Too long to reprint for this article, the story Stevenson tells is when he was a middle schooler and how his hurtful words were inappropriate with another middle schooler when they met after church. Under the watchful eye of his mother, he received a powerful lesson on extending grace and courtesy. As I closed my graduation talk, I could see the look on the faces of the 17 graduates that expressed appreciation for the many lessons they learned as Montessori students, lessons that will certainly help them lead with grace and courtesy in their world beyond Woodland Hill Montessori School.
Another component of Grace and Courtesy lessons used particularly in Elementary is the telling of stories in which children behave well, even in adverse circumstances. Teachers tell stories of heroes and heroines, with the aim of inspiring children to perform heroic deeds in their turn. This practice better aligns with the research showing that merely entertaining particular concepts lead to behaving analogously. The Montessori curriculum explicitly uses modeling and stories to teach social behavior. ²
References
Eiseman, Virginia, “The Lion Roared,”
http://tinyurl.com/lion-roared
Fershleiser, Rachel, Not Quite What I was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers
Famous and Obscure, Harper Perennial, February 2008
Helfrich, M. Shannon, Montessori Learning in the 21st Century: A Guide for Parents & Teachers, NewSage Press, 2011, pg. 155
Kambrich, Susan, “Debate With Respect,” The Times Union, March 5, 2016
Kornnikova, Maria, The Confidence Game: Why We Fall For it Every Time, Viking, January 2016
Lillard, Angeline Stoll, Montessori The Science Behind the Genius, Oxford University Press, 2005, pg. 199
Mayrock, Aija, The Survival Guide to Bullying: Written by a Teen, Scholastic Inc., June 2015
Stevenson, Bryan, Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption, Spiegel & Grau, August 2015, pgs. 285-87
Montessori Leadership / September 2016 / p 18
