watercolor sketch of throwing graduation hats isolated on white background
Thomas Wolfe famously titled one of his books You Can’t Go Home Again. Poor Thomas. He obviously didn’t go to NewGate School. Being here at NewGate is like coming home. It doesn’t seem to matter if you’ve been at NewGate since you were 18 months, or if you’ve been here for two or three years. NewGate will become you, and you will become NewGate. It becomes part of your heart, your very soul. Once a Montessori kid, always a Montessori kid.
I look out at all of you, and I see more than old friends. I see memories. I see stories. You would all be surprised to learn how many times I think of you, how often I repeat stories about my years at NewGate, both as a parent and as an art teacher.
It’s tempting to just stand here and reminisce, tell sweet and funny stories about all of you. But I feel I owe it to these amazing graduates to say something important, something meaningful. In a down-to-earth, common sense, roll-up-your-sleeves Ms. Robby kind of way, of course. So, I’ve decided not to make a speech, as much as just make a series of pronouncements, things I’ve learned, rules to live by. Ms. Robbyisms, if you will.
The first Ms. Robby pronouncement: The first pearl of wisdom I want to drop on you has to do with the idea of finding passion. This whole idea of “finding your one overwhelming passion” as the path to fulfillment and happiness is … nice. It’s okay.
There have been dozens of books written in the past decade or so, advising you to find your purpose, follow your bliss. Now, I’m not knocking it—it certainly helps sell books, if nothing else. But are you to believe that if you can only find your one dream and achieve it, you will be fulfilled and happy for the rest of your lives?
Now, if you have a dream, something you have always wanted to do, play the violin or pro sports, by all means, go for it. With my blessings. But if you don’t know exactly what you want to do (especially at the tender age of 18), it’s okay. I call it keeping your options open. Go out there and learn as much as you can about everything. You have plenty of time. You can even change your mind. School should not be a race to a diploma. It takes a lifetime (or two) to truly become educated, and you never really finish.
If I could be your fairy godmother, I wouldn’t give you one over-arching passion. I would wave my magic wand and give you this: Go forth in your life and do everything you want to do, passionately. Learn to love the work. Sigmund Freud said that all we have is love and work. Work is its own reward. No work is beneath you.
You already know how to work. You learned to work with great joy when you were a little kid in the Carson room, and it was your turn to wash the tables. You lucky Montessori International Baccalaureate graduates, you’ve learned to work, learned to learn, to build the pink tower, to garden, to cook, to paint, to sing in operas, and recite Shakespeare on stage. You have the potential to become a well-rounded, interesting adult. And a hard worker. Yay, you!
Go to university. Do your laundry, take your exams, finish your thesis with the same passion and joy you used to have as a first-year Montessori kid.
The second Ms. Robby pronouncement: My art students have, no doubt, heard me say that I don’t believe that talent is very important. A tiny little affinity for something that you really want to do is really all you need to pursue it. Work at it. Throw yourself into it “passionately” and see where it takes you. There are many so-called talented people who are not successful, and many people with a little bit of ability who are succeeding because they are working at it.
Winslow Homer, one of the greatest American painters, said: “What they call talent is nothing but the capacity for doing continuous work in the right way.”
The third: Stay teachable. Every professor (the great, the good, and the merely human) you will have in college has something to give you: take it.
The fourth: is a bit of a contradiction. I am going to use a couple of southern expressions here so try to keep up.
When faced with a difficult task, a course, a part-time job (whatever)—jump in and wade out. Throw yourself into it. Give it everything you’ve got, no matter how hard it is.
Ok. part two. Along with “Jump in and wade out” is another water metaphor: Know when you’re in “over your head.” Ask for help. Admit that you need help as early in the process as you can. Talk to your teacher. Go to the tutoring center.
Now, this next part is serious: Don’t be afraid of asking for the help of another kind. You are about to embark on adulthood. College can be a scary thing to have to navigate. There will be pressures, money problems, time management, insecurities, loneliness, time management (you see what I did there?) your own sexual identity to deal with (yikes), and, in the current climate in this country, there may be political issues. At best, there is apt to be trolling, conflict, uncivil behavior. At worst, there could be bigotry, racism, hatred.
College can be a confusing time. Promise me that if you feel sad or overwhelmed for more than a day or two, go talk to somebody. By somebody, I mean a professional. An advisor, or counselor. There will be mental health providers on campus. There is no shame in it. In fact, asking for help when you need it is probably the most mature, adult thing that you can do.
The fifth: Speaking of talking to somebody. Call your parents. They worry.
The sixth: The key to happiness is in your head. I have a little sign in my studio, right above my drawing table. It reminds me to keep a positive mindset. Dale Carnegie said, “It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy; it is what you think about it.” So teach yourself to think positive thoughts. Sounds easy, but it’s hard.
The seventh: Give of yourself. The way to find meaning in life is to make life a little easier (and a little happier) for others. Be kind. Be inclusive. Find ways to help others, volunteer, work with kids, give back.
The eighth pronouncement: It’s really hard to get through college without having a run-in with romantic love. Here are two things to remember:
1. Falling in love with someone will feel like the most important thing in the world because it probably is.
2. Breaking up with someone will feel like the end of the world, and it definitely isn’t.
So, if Freud is right and all we have is “love and work,” then you are ready.
You already know unconditional love. You are surrounded by it, right here in this room. Wrap it around you and take it with you. Share it.
You already know how to work. You learned it back in lower elementary school. Keep your morning work time sacred, take a recess, run around, do the specials in the afternoon. Respect your environment, take the mats out to do your work and put them back neatly when you are finished. Wash the tables.
You are ready. Go, go off to college. Wash the tables, take the exams, love the work, change the world. I love you all.
Tomorrow’s Child/ September 2018/ pg 14
