A Turkish mother and son are having fun.
The knots you feel in your stomach and the throbbing in your temples (which you are trying to ignore as you read this) are symptoms of what we call “separation anxiety.” You’re normal! Now, don’t you feel better?
The only good thing about separation anxiety is that it does end. “Not soon enough,” right? Right. Not before a few sleepless nights, a few tearful partings with your child at the door, not before you wonder if you’ve made the right decision to send your little one off to school. But, it does end.
Please believe me when I say that we all empathize with you. We’ve all been through it with our own children and we understand that there is nothing more difficult than leaving your child, whom you’ve loved and cared for since s/he was born, with people you barely know. I have two children. I remember well the day that Sue had to pry my son’s hands from my leg so that I could leave. I got into my car and sat there – a little shaky and tearful – for a good ten minutes before realizing that he was no longer crying, but actually playing happily with the other children inside. Brendan is going into his second year in the Elementary Class this week and plans to go to New England next summer by himself. We both look back on his early days of school with a smile now, but at the time it was difficult for both of us. Even though these next few days may not be easy for you and your child, just remember, “This too shall pass.”
There are a few tricks to getting some of these worrisome things in life to pass more easily than they otherwise might. One of the tricks to separation anxiety is understanding that it is the moment of separation that is most difficult. Making that moment short makes the separation shorter and therefore, the anxiety less. Please make your good-bye brief. Just say, “Good-bye. I’m going to work or to school or to the library, etc. See you soon!” Make your separating brief. Trick number two is that this brief separating also needs to be honest. Please do not slip away when your child isn’t looking. Teachers do not distract children so that their parents can leave. They want your child to learn to trust you and them and so they are very honest with children. Children soon learn that their teachers and parents can be relied upon. Their teachers tell the children that school is for children, not moms and dads, and that you will be back very soon to get them. And that we have lot’s of fun things to do first!
The teachers are masters at helping children quickly feel comfortable. They will do just about anything to bring a smile to your child’s face. So, have heart! Your child will soon be crying when you come back at the end of the day because s/he won’t want to go home!
P.S. Eleven years later we left Brendan at Northeastern University in Boston, and I was the one clinging to his arm. He was the one assuring me and saying, “ Good-bye”.
