Editors note: when we received the following article from Dr. Christine Lapierre and Lobana Alabbas, Montessori educators in Alberta, Canada, our first thought was it was written solely for an audience of teachers. As we read along, we noticed that the authors’ message, presented in their charming style, has just as much value for parents and grandparents. It really boils down to the fundamental idea that love begets love.
One of the things that is so crucial to the Montessori way is the embracing of the very best that exist within each and every one of us and the extension of warmth, kindness, respect, and love to every human being at every stage of life. There’s nothing new in this message. It’s taught by every faith. But it is so important to remember, especially when children, bored and underfoot, begin to get on our nerves. We have a saying at the Montessori Foundation: “Everything living is trouble, everything living takes work, and everything needs love.” As we approach and enter the new year, keep love in your heart, home, classroom, and workplace everyday.
Love is a powerful feeling. Maria Montessori used this concept frequently in her writings, lectures, and training of teachers and parents. In her insightful book, The Absorbent Mind (1995), she dedicated an entire chapter to “Love and its Source—the Child” (p. 287-296). This book, like so many of her others, is aimed at teachers as well as parents. She indicated that the child would be able to bring unity to the world because the child is all love. As people from all corners of the earth, we feel a gentleness and kindness toward the child that melts our hearts. Consequently, this creates a sentiment of love that is unique to the child.
Additionally, Maria Montessori also suggested that the adult cultivate a loving heart towards other adults in order to bring about peace in the world. This implies that one needs to start with oneself in order for change to occur in other people, children, and adults alike. This article presents two different heartfelt stories about love in the school where Lobana worked. One story is about a four-year-old boy, John, and the other story about a lead teacher, Mary. Though the age differences were great, the approach towards loving each one became very similar.
Love and the Child
Lobana had heard for a long time that the lead teacher was responsible for bringing change to the classroom and to her teaching, when it concerned children. Yet, in this story, it was definitely a mighty feat for her to do so. First of all, she did not know how to change because she thought that she was already doing the right thing. John, a four-year-old, frequently brought disruption to the classroom, during the months of fall.
He was not focused, refused to work, and continuously disturbed other children. The situation became more problematic and, consequently, none of the assistant teachers, including Lobana, wanted to work with him. The teachers would tell him what to do to improve his behavior; however, this approach just made him angrier. Lobana could see from the look in John’s eyes that he was becoming more and more frustrated. She knew that when ‘normalization’ takes place, children concentrate and their eyes are filled with joy and enjoyment. “How am I going to make this happen?” Lobana asked herself.
Humility was the key, she decided. From that moment on, Lobana could feel herself growing from within. Making a decision to cultivate more empathy, compassion, and love…
Finally, after some deep reflection, Lobana could feel a transformation come over her. Remembering Maria Montessori’s words that a teacher needs to replace anger and pride with humility and patience (Montessori, 1972), she realized that these were the essential aspects to resolving this predicament. She had to let go of her anger towards John, along with her pride in repeating the same strategies that were not working.
She had concerns. Would the other teachers follow her lead? Would John begin to trust her and adopt a love of learning? The gap between what John was doing and what Lobana wanted to see in a normalized child was very apparent. Humility was the key, she decided. From that moment on, Lobana could feel herself growing from within. Making a decision to cultivate more empathy, compassion, and love towards John (no matter what he did), she also demonstrated more respect for him.
Observing John more closely over a period of time greatly assisted Lobana in developing a new approach for him. For one thing, she became calmer and exhibited more positive feelings. Then one day, she had an inspiration. She gave him the chalkboard in order to teach him how to write his numbers. John greatly enjoyed the activity. From then on, every morning, the first thing that John did was to bring the chalkboard to Lobana and ask with excitement, “What is next?” He continued doing so until he had mastered all his numbers. Afterwards, Lobana gave him a little booklet to write his numbers in. He was so overjoyed that he went all around the classroom, showing everybody his new booklet. It was apparent that John had established trust for Lobana, as well as a deepening bond. After completing his numbers, Lobana introduced the letters. At the same time, John began to choose other challenging lessons and worked harmoniously with other children.
Lobana was confident that these changes occurred within John because she invited him to work with her in a kind, loving manner. He reacted more constructively to her efforts. One cannot explain the meaning of love; however, one can see its effects. John went from saying “No!” to everything to experiencing the joy of learning. His concentration and delight brought hope to Lobana’s heart. The other teachers on the team also modified their behavior towards him. “Everything is possible when you send love to children!” Lobana explained to them. The other teachers commenced sitting and connecting with him instead of judging him from a distance. They, too, started to understand John’s behavior. Lobana’s heart blossomed. “The love of your heart can be a bridge from where the child is now to becoming a peaceful child,” she concluded.
Love and the Teacher
This transformation of love in Lobana’s heart greatly assisted her in another situation, where she had to resolve a difficult situation with another Montessori lead teacher, Mary. Mary would become angry with her assistants instead of patiently requesting and modeling what she wanted. She had an overbearing approach with them and talked to them with disdain. Additionally, Mary did not help them in performing many of the mundane classroom duties with the children. They were losing respect for her. The assistants began going to Lobana in desperation to complain about how Mary was treating them.
Since resolving classroom dilemmas was part of Lobana’s responsibilities, she decided to approach Mary by inviting her to a meeting. The first thing Mary exclaimed when Lobana called her for a meeting was, “Am I in trouble?” “Did anybody complain to you?” “I want to talk to you, as well!” Lobana noted that Mary was exhibiting a position of fight or flight. At that point, Lobana knew that she had to send love to Mary and have empathy. Lobana smiled and told her in a gentle voice: “I’m here to listen to you.”
Filling her heart with love prevented Lobana from being judgmental with Mary. Lobana looked at her in the eye in a caring way, instead of being angry, and began to listen. She decided that she would not tell Mary at this point what her assistants had protested about. Mary started to indirectly talk about her assistants and her problems in the classroom. Lobana asked questions and inquired about the details. Above all things, Lobana desired for them to come up with peaceful solutions together. Slowly, Mary, in turn, listened thoughtfully to what Lobana had to say about areas where she needed to improve. Happily, Mary was attentive and open to change. She indicated that she was willing to heed the points that Lobana was advising her to take.
Together, they came up with a workable plan that included the steps that Mary would take in order for her to collaborate harmoniously with her assistants. Later that evening, Lobana received a text from Mary that said, “I do appreciate your kindness!” Lobana knew in her heart that she had made a positive influence on Mary’s thinking. Gradually, Mary put a considerable amount of effort into becoming a better teacher to serve the children and her team. Developing more kindness, she began to rely on Lobana for effective ideas that would improve her classroom. Mary acknowledged appreciation for the help she was receiving as being part of Lobana’s “wisdom.”
What do we take away from these two stories? First, love is the fundamental aspect of solving classroom (and home) difficulties. With love, one builds trust and a sense of safety and calmness. When children and teachers are worried about being judged, they feel scared and are not open to being part of the solution. An important message is that we all make mistakes, and we can learn from them. Being humble and patient will resolve many complicated issues in the classroom. This is howe teachers implement Montessori’s wise words about peace and unity.
Lobana Alabbas is a Montessori Early Childhood Teacher from London Montessori Center, as well as a certified Arabic language teacher. She is passionate about teaching children how to enjoy and love learning. She also lives in Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
References
Montessori, M. (1972). The secret of childhood. New York, NY: Random House Publishing Group.
Montessori, M. (1995). The absorbent mind. New York, NY: Holt Paperbacks.
