by Parents Magazine Online | Brain Development, Child's Work, Communication, Family Resources, Montessori Family Life, Montessori Parenting, Uncategorized
Picky eating involves a variety of behaviors. Here are some tips for helping your child develop a more tolerant attitude toward food.
DO
Serve age-appropriate portions. Give toddlers portions that are one-fourth to one-third the size of adult portions. A toddler faced with both a plateful of food and a parent who expects him to eat it all, is likely to become fussy and finicky at the table. Increase portion sizes for preschoolers and kindergartners, but don’t expect your 5-year-old to eat the same amount of cooked carrots as you do. By scaling down portion sizes, you give your child the opportunity to ask for seconds, which will help him feel in control.
Offer new and unfamiliar foods, but do so in small portions and don’t insist that your child eat everything. In fact, when a food is served for the first time, let your child know that you only expect him to sample it and that he may spit it out if he doesn’t like it.
Serve your child’s old favorites —or at least a familiar, acceptable food—at each meal. If you want to add a dish that your child has not shown much interest in before, pair it with something she likes. For example, if you are encouraging her to enjoy green beans, serve them with her favorite macaroni.
Serve a small dessert with dinner. It’s likely your child will down her dessert first, but that’s okay. The dessert will stimulate her appetite, making her more willing to move on to more nutritious fare.
DON’T
Worry if each meal is not nutritionally complete. Though your child may eat only starchy foods one day, his natural desire for variety will motivate him to nibble on a piece of fruit or a vegetable later on and to try a small serving of meat the next day. During a week’s time, he’ll consume a variety of foods and get the majority of the nutrients he needs.
Use food as either a reward or a punishment. If you bribe your child to eat her spinach so that she can have a “yummy dessert,” you inadvertently reinforce the idea that sweets are better than nutritious food. If you reward good behavior with a treat, you teach an unhealthy association between food and positive feelings. Likewise, if you threaten to withhold a food treat for any unacceptable behavior, you teach that food can be used as a weapon, an idea that even a young child can internalize and use at future meals.
Prepare separate meals for your picky eater. Most parents simply don’t have time to be short-order cooks. Also, if your child gets into the habit of eating only
specially prepared meals, she may never want to dine on foods the whole family is enjoying.
Make enticing foods your child sees others enjoying completely off limits. Allow her the occasional candy or soft drink that’s served at a birthday party, for instance, to avoid making these foods seem even more enticing. (If you disapprove of the menu at a party, feed your child well beforehand so that she won’t be too hungry.) Likewise, having a sweetened breakfast cereal on occasion will not ruin your child’s health. Consider allowing her to mix a restricted cereal with an approved one, showing her that you value her opinion while helping her to maintain a healthful diet.
From The Parents Answer Book: From Birth Through Age Five, by the editors of Parents magazine. Copyright © 2000 by Roundtable Press and G+J USA Publishing.
Tomorrow’s Child/ November 2017/ Pg 37
by Parents Magazine Online | Family Resources, MFA, Montessori Family Life, Montessori Parenting
Our thanks to our friends at Parents Magazine for this good advice:
You probably wouldn’t use old-school phrases like “Wait until your father gets home” or “I wish you were more like your sister” with your kids. But there are lots of less obvious ones that you should avoid, for their sake and yours.
1. “Great Job.”
Research has shown that tossing out a generic phrase like “Good girl” or “Way to go” every time your child masters a skill makes her dependent on your affirmation rather than her own motivation, says Parents advisor Jenn Berman, Psy.D., author of The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids. Save the kudos for when they’re truly warranted, and be as specific as you can. Instead of “Super game,” say, “That was a nice assist. I like how you looked for your teammate.”
2. “Practice makes perfect.”
It’s true that the more time your child devotes, the sharper his skills will become. However, this adage can ramp up the pressure he feels to win or excel. “It sends the message that if you make mistakes, you didn’t train hard enough,” says Joel Fish, Ph.D., author of 101 Ways to Be a Terrific Sports Parent. “I’ve seen kids beat themselves up, wondering, ‘What’s wrong with me? I practice, practice, practice, and I’m still not the best.'” Instead, encourage your child to work hard because he’ll improve and feel proud of his progress.
3. “You’re okay.”
When your child scrapes his knee and bursts into tears, your instinct may be to reassure him that he’s not badly hurt. But telling him he’s fine may only make him feel worse. “Your kid is crying because he’s not okay,” says Dr. Berman. Your job is to help him understand and deal with his emotions, not discount them. Try giving him a hug and acknowledging what he’s feeling by saying something like, “That was a scary fall.” Then ask whether he’d like a bandage or a kiss (or both).
4. “Hurry up!”
Your child dawdles over her breakfast, insists on tying her own sneakers (even though she hasn’t quite mastered the technique yet), and is on pace to be late for school — again. But pushing her to get a move on creates additional stress, says Linda Acredolo, Ph.D., coauthor of Baby Minds. Soften your tone slightly by saying, “Let’s hurry,” which sends the message that the two of you are on the same team. You can also turn the act of getting ready into a game: “Why don’t we race to see who can get her pants on first?”
5. “I’m on a diet.”
Watching your weight? Keep it to yourself. If your child sees you stepping on the scale every day and hears you talk about being “fat,” she may develop an unhealthy body image, says Marc S. Jacobson, M.D., professor of pediatrics and epidemiology at Nassau University Medical Center, in East Meadow, New York. It’s better to say, “I’m eating healthy because I like the way it makes me feel.” Take the same tack with working out. “I need to exercise” can sound like a complaint, but “It’s beautiful outside — I’m going to take a walk” may inspire her to join you.
It’s easy to use this default response when your child begs you for the latest toy. But doing so sends the message that you’re not in control of your finances, which can be scary for kids, says Jayne Pearl, the author of Kids and Money. Grade-schoolers may also call you on this claim if you turn around and make an expensive household purchase. Choose an alternative way to convey the same idea, such as, “We’re not going to buy that because we’re saving our money for more important things.” If she insists on discussing it further, you have a perfect window to start a conversation about how to budget and manage money.
7. “Don’t talk to strangers.”
This is a tough concept for a young child to grasp. Even if a person is unfamiliar, she may not think of him as a stranger if he’s nice to her. Plus, kids may take this rule the wrong way and resist the help of police officers or firefighters whom they don’t know, says Nancy McBride, executive director for the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, Florida Regional Office, in Lake Park. Instead of warning her about strangers, bring up scenarios (“What would you do if a man you don’t know offers you candy and a ride home?”), have her explain what she’d do, then guide her to the proper course of action. Since the vast majority of child-abduction cases involve someone a kid already knows, you might also adopt McBride’s favorite safety mantra: “If anyone makes you feel sad, scared, or confused, you need to tell me right away.”
8. “Be careful.”
Saying this while your child is balancing on the monkey bars at the playground actually makes it more likely that he’ll fall. “Your words distract him from what he’s doing, so he loses focus,” says Deborah Carlisle Solomon, author of Baby Knows Best. If you’re feeling anxious, move close to spot him in case he takes a tumble, being as still and quiet as you can.
9. “No dessert unless you finish your dinner.”
Using this expression increases a child’s perceived value of the treat and diminishes his enjoyment of the meal itself — the opposite of what you want to accomplish, says Parents advisor David Ludwig, M.D., Ph.D., director of the New Balance Foundation Obesity Prevention Center at Boston Children’s Hospital and author of Ending the Food Fight. Tweak your message along these lines: “First we eat our meal and then we have dessert.” The wording change, though subtle, has a far more positive impact on your child.
10. “Let me help.”
When your child is struggling to build a block tower or finish a puzzle, it’s natural to want to give him a hand. Don’t. “If you jump in too soon, that can undermine your child’s independence because he’ll always be looking to others for answers,” says Myrna Shure, Ph.D., professor emeritus of psychology at Drexel University in Philadelphia and author of Raising a Thinking Child. Instead, ask guiding questions to help him solve the problem: “Do you think the big piece or the little one should go at the bottom? Why do you think that? Let’s give it a try.”
Originally published in the April 2014 issue of Parents magazine.
