Summer!
Parents appreciate the more relaxed perspective that the summer offers (summer nights, vacations, lax bedtime routines, etc.), and children love the idea of summer camps, swimming, vacations, and less structure in their lives. Going back to school can be a difficult time for children – albeit a time of relief for many parents. Going back to school affects parents and their children. Parents are often overjoyed at the idea that children will be back in a structured environment with a consistent schedule and look forward to a return to ‘normalcy.’ Children (and parents) can’t help but have some nervous butterflies about the new school year. In fact, parents and children often go through a ‘mourning process’ at the same time. So, how are we to cope?
As parents, it’s important that we validate our children’s feelings. Let them express how they feel about going back to school. For most children, it’s a ‘mixed bag.’ They may appreciate playing with friends, seeing their teachers, and recess. But, they may be less excited about doing homework, getting up early, and being prepared and engaged with lesson plans. It’s important that parents validate that these feelings are normal; however, with time, it will become easier.
For parents, this, too, can be a ‘mixed bag.’ After getting home from a long day at work, parents are often starting their ‘second shift,’ of hustling to make dinner, helping their children with homework, preparing themselves for their next work day, getting their children ready for the next school day, and putting them to bed. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by the process. Validate your own feelings – that this is a difficult time and transition is challenging for everyone. The same advice applies to you – this can, and will, get easier. It’s an adjustment period.
Structure can be a good thing (even when it sometimes seems like a scary word). Begin stricter bed time routines earlier on in the summer to help children become accustomed to going back to school. Allow them the freedom to choose a book to read from every night. Perhaps, ask parents of children in the classes to join them for a ‘book club’ so they can read together and discuss books. Ask children to re-enact scenes from the book or create a diorama from the book. Use a fun alarm clock to help children become more oriented to waking up on time and getting up to start the day. Depending on the child’s age, ask them to help with breakfast routines or gathering their belongings.
For parents, this, too, is a time to re-connect with that lovely word, “structure.” Try to create meals for the week ahead of time so that you are not rushed when you get home. Get a white board and designate certain ‘chores’ for each member of the household (making sure that the chore is appropriate for the age and ability of the child) – note that the board includes items that you do (e.g., taking out the trash, recycling, laundry, etc.), so that they know that you are also responsible for duties. (Children are often concrete and do not recognize the many things we do, but visibly showing them that you, too, are responsible for household chores makes them feel that you are involved in the same process).
Write a list of meals for each night, so that you are more likely to stick to it. Perhaps, take turns cooking with your partner, so that you can indulge in self-care, whether going to the gym, going on a walk, taking some time to yourself, and so on. Once children go to bed, find some time to re-unite with yourself and your significant other, if he or she is present in your life. Discuss subjects other than the children, such as happenings in the day, friendships, etc. And, create date nights as frequently as possible to revitalize that relationship.
If expenses are difficult, offer to take turns with another couple with children once every other week to exchange services. It’s amazing how making yourself and your relationships a priority can create positive changes in your life.
Most importantly, be willing to say “no” to things. School becomes less “crunch time,” when children and parents become more focused throughout the year. Children often do not know their limits and need to model their behavior after their parents. As parents (we are human!), we often agree to do things that later on, we regret. Be willing and able to say “no” if it’s something that does not directly involve or benefit your family or if it causes too much strain on yourself and others. You will be happier in the long run if you learn to use this word, proudly and firmly.
Children, too, will learn to set their priorities and will help to decrease their anxiety of taking on too much. Sometimes, we see what is best for others but have difficulty applying it to ourselves. So, ask yourself why you are agreeing or disagreeing to do something. If you have good reason, commit, do it, and have no regrets. This is a learning process. But, apply it to your children, too. They do not need to be involved in every single sport or activity. Ask them to choose one, commit to it, and let it be.
We all have this lovely dance we do; it’s called life. But, it’s one moment at a time. And, stressors will come and go, without our even doing anything to “cause” them.
Stay present, stay focused, and stand still. The stressors will pass and you will learn how you coped with it. Choose to grow and validate the fact that you are a work in progress. There will always be times that we are overwhelmed; however, it is how we choose to deal with it (and model it to our children) that can truly teach us how to grow.
Tomorrow’s Child /Sept 2012Pg18
